serotonin Chapter 2
by ncls
Summary: I invite to follow my history in my blog


Coming out

By Cameron

Well I have told you guys, that none know about my sexuality, but in spite of the facts my family know a little about that, it's curious history that I'm going to tell you, do you like the Internet dates?, it's easy to find sex in there, old guys always are chasing the naives, luckily I'm a naive at least I can act as one, I know that I was going to tell you how I came out of closet but that was how it started, with a Internet date so here it comes.

Monday I was in school, the guy that I was in love didn't meet me and acts as I didn't exist, anyway It is not going to embitter me, I was young and with access to Internet too. I'd dated with older guys before and had shared naked pics and that stuff, all was about the sex, they always are looking for a easy prey whom gives in to their desires, why did I date with older guys? I don't know, I mean, they make me feel special, you may feel the hungry into their eyes and in you too, you know what they want and that's fuck you as none has made you before, in spite of that, the way how they hug you and the desires from their kisses wipes out all the sins and feelings which bedim your mind, can it be illegal? I know but it makes it more intense, playing with crimes makes me horny, and I can give in of the desires of a older guy without resistance.

Cameron your phone is ringing Carolina said upset, we were on Algebra but the noise was molesting to my mates, I haven't realized it, I was lost on the Brandon's back, _Sorry_ I said sincerely, I checked the phone and it was a solitude from a guy of my age, I haven't chatted with guys of my ages because they are immature in many way, I feel secure with older guys because you can be sure what they want, with younger are hardly to understand in addition usually they a looking fore a serious relation, I wasn't prepared to that.

:), a smiling face, must I accept it? I wondered for a second while I was checking my phone in my hand, I wrote _Hey!,_ immediately he started to write, I silenced my phone and continued send him messages, it was easy, I was in the last row so can pretend as I was attending to the class instead of chatting with him.

He looked nice, smart and centered in spite of his age, he was younger than me by one year but he had started to study for SAT, I must admit that I was impressed, he was so sexy to, but I was afraid, to fall in love so easy, in Internet is possible to be love with someone that isn't worthy, your imagination dreams up unreal worlds only for looking over a picture, you may interpret the words from other people wrongly when you are reading what he had written.

 _I wanna c u_ he said,the most terrible words in chat not only for his orthography I was sure that he was moving so fast, with older guys wasn't hardly, if I was horny I'd said yes, but if I didn't I'd just played like a Ken Doll, but that was different I was really interested in him, I answered _of course, where?,_ I couldn't resist to the curiosity of meeting each other.

He was there, in the point of meeting before my arriving, I was late, I was always late, I assume he looked better in pics but he was handsome anyway, he smiled when he saw me, he had some kind of kindness and tenderness that made me feel safe I was secure with him, _you are late_ he said, _I told you I'm always late_ I said while I was giggling.

The time went on and when I realized I had wasted all my afternoon with him, _Dad's gonna kill me_ I thought while I was getting up, _Wait,_ he said, _I did this for you today_ , he gave me a sketch where we were drawn, he was embracing me so _tender!_ I thought while I was putting it into my wallet. _Thanks_ , I said, _that's ok I didn't have ta ks so I started to draw it I think it's going to be the start of these new friendship,_ he said with his bright eyes, I mean he was there, with me but guilt swarmed from the deepest part of may soul, I felt dirty, stained by sins, I'd had sex with older men and they had stained and now the guilt was inside my heart.

The guilt dominated me so I ran away from him, I didn't respond his messages, he soon stopped to sending them, the guilt inside my soul made me notice that I was unclean, nasty, impure, I stopped of dating with older guys too, I felt repugnant about who I was and I couldn't accept me and here is where all started.

Mom woke me up early, she was upset, outraged with me, she had found out the sketch from my wallet, _Fuck!_ I thought, she started to scold me, raise her voice, I _don't wanna have faggot in the family fucking motherfucker!, you are a shame for this family, only a faggot, you must be killed fag, you will get AIDS and will die_ , and the most tough word that I'd heard from her until now was _you aren't my son you are only a faggot._

I would have cried but I didn't have tears, I was dried, she was right? I couldn't think clearly, all was marred, her words hurt, she saw me like a monster, I wasn't her son I was a faggot, the child that she had carried in her belly by eight months, everything turned dark and dim, I was alone surrounded by shadowy images that tried to hurt me, trying to bury me in darkness.


End file.
